agh

I want to love God more and I keep failing. To the point where I don't pray anymore. To the point where I'm just trying to get by and do good. To the point where I just feel like a failure and I can't take any criticism because it will just confirm how much I feel that I suck.

I want to love God more but I'm not and I'm choosing not to, and that's scary. And I don't really know what to do and the easy answer is "pray" and for some reason I can't get myself to do that. I can't get myself to open up my bible, or to turn to someone else in worship and say that I need help. I can't get myself to stop dragging my feet. I am so aware, SO AWARE, of how much I'm failing and the path that I'm headed down, and I can't get myself to change it. I'd rather write a blog than pray. I'd rather watch tv than think. I'd rather just not do it anymore.

2008