Plumbline (Day #2)

Some Mission Adventure people just told Frances to close the door, and it made me a little bit mad. They're ridiculous. The guy and the girl flirting in front of me are ridiculous too.


Ok besides that, I'm totally not bitter.

Today is/was day number two of the week of plumbline... so far, so good. God's here. Last night while praying I felt Him so heavily it was insane. This morning while praying during worship I felt it again. I feel like I just stepped into a new area of life, just through that prayer.

I think plumbline is different for me than it is for the rest of them. I walked through healing of soooo much pain last year, and I am so free from it now. I realize that if I were to go through this week about a year ago, I would be in complete discomfort right now, but I'm not. Knowing what comes from the end of this week makes me so excited for them all.

This is the process in my words.

First the man talks, and God begins to stir up everything inside of you, slowly the stitches on your non-healed wound begin to open. Then for some reason, at some point, with one swift pull all of the stitches will be yanked out of your body, and this massive infected wound will be left gaping open. You'll feel like you're in soooo much pain, you'll feel naked, and vulnerable, shamed and confused.... you'll feel weak, and you'll be angry. This goes on for as long as you're willing to let it... and then at some point, hopefully you let it free, and give it up to God. It's not a fun process as all your pain and sorrow oozes up and out of your body, but it may be the best process. God becomes your doctor, and He cleans out your wound. He doesn't need stitches, because when He's done the wound no longer exists anymore, you are free. Never the less a part of you is gone, but it's a part of you that you were never meant to have. Dealing with it is weird at first, but it doesn't take away from the incredible sense of freedom you will feel afterwards. This is when you begin to discover who you are. This is when you begin to understand yourself, and in return you begin to understand other people.... This is life... This is GOD.

I say it because I experienced it. I don't think that in this week I will walk through much pain at all, but that just proves that what God did in me was so incredibley real. This week I will be walking through my undealt with shame. What will that be like? Can I get anymore free? Obviously I can.... which is another amazing thing in itself. How ridiculous is it to be excited to be able to walk through shame? Very... but I am.

Oh what amazing things God can reveal to you, if only you will let him.

Joey's Laundromat

I'm at the laundromat sitting on the computer. I actually really like it here... but there is a strange guy sitting at the table behind me muttering things outloud... he's alone, and he's definitely not on the phone or anything like that. awww San Francisco.


On Saturday we did a bunch of outreach prep performances at this chinese school that's located in a church. It was actually really fun. I think it went a lot better than most of us expected. We did some skits, some people sang some songs, and we all shared our "mini testimonies". On Saturday we had four, 45 minute performance. Two of the performances were in front of 1st graders - 4th graders and the other two were in front of 5th graders to college age.

The little kids were soooo freaking cute!!! The first session there was this little boy named Bryce who sat down right behind me. Immediately he introduced himself and started talking to me. He said he was in kindergarden, but his mom had gotten him in so that he could be with the first graders.

After I did a skit and came back to sit down he told me "I liked your story, I liked your story, I liked your story!" Then he reached out with his tiny, little hand, and petted my arm! He grinned at me like he was testing to see what I'd do, and about 10 minutes later he did it again. He was sooo sweet, and sooo cute!! Then we had them do the game where you have kids wrap eachother up in toilet paper to see who can make the best mummy. He was too scared to go up on stage and play, but after it started he kept giggling and laughing so hard, exclaiming over and over to me "I love the mummy game!!! I love the mummy game!!!" AHHH he was so freaking cute!!

I got to share my testimony with the older crowd, which was really good. I think it went well, but honestly anytime I share my testimony or speak in front of any crowd I barely remember anything I said afterwards.

Since yesterday I've been in a much better mood! I feel like a slight weight has been lifted or something. I'm really excited for outreach and all the ministry stuff we'll be doing. It's going to be good. I'm going to be optomistic this week, I'm sick of complaining.

7 weeks

It is Thursday in our 7th week. Dang time goes by so fast. It's almost scary. At this point I'm sort of disappointed. The last 7 weeks have been really good but I feel like I can barely remember them. Even though sooooo much has happened, at the same time it seems like barely anything has happened.

I'm glad I have this much time to spend with God; He continues to show up in amazing ways. These last two weeks have been kind of hard though. I'm really irritable, and I think other people are too. Next week is the week called "Plumbline"... which in my own definition is where everything that's burried deep inside of you is ripped up to the surface, and then you begin the very hard, but liberating process of healing from it.

I'm actually kind of excited for this. I love healing... I know there's a lot going on inside of me right now, but I don't actually know what it is. (I know that it's part of the reason why I'm so irritable) I feel like I've already dealt with so many of my past issues, so whatever God brings up might be a really big suprise. Scary, but good.

On another note, it's kind of bugging me a lot lately that we've been here for 7 weeks, but we still really aren't that close. I get along with Sarah so well, and I really really appreciate her, but she's the only one I feel like I can completely share with. Everyone else I like, but it's still surfacey and strange. It's all strange. I miss my home a lot right now. I miss my close relationships. I miss having mature people I can count on all the time. I miss love... I'm getting so sick of the words "I love you" here. Half these people I really don't feel like I even know. And yes, I love them, but I don't love them in the sense that if tomorrow was the end of DTS, I'd miss them horribley. It feels cheap, and it feels like it's more of an obligation to say it, and it shouldn't be.

Maybe it's just my bad mood. I hate not connecting with anyone. I hate not relating with anyone. It's weird with our leaders. I've been to summer camps that were only two weeks long and felt like I connected in a way deeper way than here. What's it going to take? When are we actually going to become close? Are we even going to? This place is lonely.

I want a break. I want to leave. I want to hang out with someone..... I want to hang out.

To Boast

I'm pretty sure God says to boast about Him, but at the same time He wants you to keep the things He says to you sacred.

Never boast about how amazing you are, always about how amazing God is. Never try and make other people jealous because of what God is doing in you, continue to always give Him the glory. Be humble and not proud. Say what you need to, to the people who need to hear it, and not to the people who don't.

With that said... GOD IS AMAZING!!!! Last night we prayed that God would continue to spark hope and passion for Him in us, because lately I've felt a little drab... today He did just that!

Worship was so good, I can't even explain. So many prophetic words were flying around that room it was incredible. We asked God why there isn't more crazy stuff happening every day, because it can. Before worship I prayed that his holy spirit would be there... I think I was expecting a huge wind or a big tingling feeling... none of that really came, but what He did was amazing.

AH LOVE! I am so in love! I am so excited!!! This was way more than a spark!!! Ya GOD!!

The Most Amazing Theories

When talking to the people on the streets you'll hear some of the craziest theories you ever could of dreamed of. Part of it is really sad, because they are so far off, but I can't help but be entertained.

I met this hippy rocker guy, and I don't really remember his name but I think it was Michael. He told me that he was on his way to some government protest. I don't know what he was protesting against but the government was somehow corrupting his theory. His theory was that the world keeps on making mistakes, and they keep on learning from their mistakes. Some day the world is going to make so many mistakes and they're going to of learn from them all. When that happen's they won't be able to make any more mistakes, and the world will be a perfect place. Then God will come down and pick up the whole perfect world and put it into heaven.

One night we ran into this really tall guy named Marty. He ALWAYS walks around with blankets around his neck. He told us he was a great great theologist and had been walking around telling people about his writings. His writings were a theory he had been working on for 30 years, and no one else had figured this out yet. He explained that he had 2 copies of his writings and he was going to sell each copy for 2 dollars. Then he would have 4 dollars to go to Kinko's and get more copies, then he would be able to get it published.

Marty had figured out the difference between humans and angels. The difference was that Angel's didn't eat, they only drank. He advised us that as we get older we need to stop eating, cuz we can't do anything gross like "shit". Angel's never do anything gross. This was all in his writing's and I told him that if I ever have 2 dollars with me, I will definitely buy a copy. (and I DEFINITELY WILL) I've seen him quite a few time since then, and the funny thing is he almost always seems to have food with him :)

Last night on street team we handed out soup. We gave soup to this man named Tony and sat down next to him to talk. He asked what I wanted to talk about, and I asked what he would like to talk about... from then on out he told us about the bird world. He explained about the birds that are 4 stories tall and that they could come down at any time. He knows all about them because he's psychic, but he also knows nothing about the "bird world". He's afraid of them. He also told us about the monsters that live in the Bird World. They are just like humans but they are also about 2 stories tall. He said he didn't know what he would to if the Bird's came and got them and took him to their world. He explained that the monsters have an advantage because they're big enough to ride the birds unlike us. He asked each one of us what we would do if we were taken to the bird world... I told him I would probably pray alot. He explained that he needed to learn how to use flint so that he would be able to make fire there. He told us that it wasn't like earth, and that you couldn't just walk into store and buy stuff. He also explained that he needed to buy a knife too. Hah He was seriously sooo fun to talk to! I asked him if he believed in God and he said yes, he assumes that God's out there too. I asked him if he wanted us to pray for protection from the birds twice, but he just kept talking about the bird world. I asked Tony what he would do if he was abducted by the birds and he told me he didn't think he could do anything because he'd probably be in too much pain from their claws holding onto his shoulders carrying him away.

Anyways, even though it's really sad, I love these peoples theories!!! Keep on praying for the people of the street! If they can have this much faith in totally bizzarr things, imagine the faith they could have in God.

Flashing Red Lights

There have been way more sirens today than usual. It seems like we hear them around 10 times a day, but I think today it's been closer to 15 or 20. Right now actually there's an ambulance sitting right outside our building, and earlier today there was a fire just down the street.... wow and there goes another siren. It's kind of stressful living in this place, but still so amazing.

I'm really loving DTS, and the people I've met here so far. Sarah is my closest friend here, and probably one of the coolest people I've met. I'm envious of her love and passion for the Lord. God is going to use her in amazing ways, and it's so cool to have her here.

Yesterday on my way to Walgreens I saw this homeless lady that's always so extremely nice. I stopped and asked her if she would like anything from Walgreens, and I sort of assumed she'd ask for food... haha, she asked for red lipstick instead. Then she had me sit down and talk to her. She asked me if I was a booster, and I said no. Then she went on to tell me that her and her daughter steal stuff all the time to make money. She has five kids and looks about 60 years old. Unlike most people on these streets she doesn't look older than her age, she's beautiful. She's been in San Francisco for about 2 and a half months, and she came here from Eureka.

The story that she told me was graphic and suprising. She asked me why I wanted to get her something, and I told her it was because she was always so nice... she said it was by the grace of God. As I talked to her she explained that a couple weeks ago she was really coked out and drunk, and she went over to this guy's house that she didn't really know. He was in a wheel chair. He gave her a pill and she took it, and then she took a bath as he went to go get more coke. When he got back she was still awake, hanging out, and so he gave her another pill... she passed out, and he raped her. Instead of using the word rape though, she used the "F" word... she actually used the "F" word probably more than 25 times in our 8 minute conversation. She explained that he took all her money (235 dollars) her ID, and her purse; when she woke up he was gone. Who knows if this guy is actually handicapped in the first place. He may be worse off so that he can get more money from the government. He's obviously able to walk some if he lives alone, and if he can rape someone.

She then told me she went to the manager and they called the police. When the guy came back she yelled at him. She told him to give her the money back, and he denied it all. Of course since she was coked out she couldn't prove it. She then argued with him that he should atleast give her 20 dollars for "F"ing her. Some other "white guy" gave her 20 bucks, but this guy still refused... finally he gave in and gave her the 20 dollars in return for the sex he stole from her.

Is 20 dollars the price you pay for rape these days? Wow... talk about a screw driver to the stomach. The other day this same lady was on the street and she had a tube hanging from her nose. I knew that it was a tube you get from the hospital when your nose doesn't stop bleeding... I knew it because my grandma got one of those once too. She had reminded me of my grandma. She's nicely dressed compared to the rest of these people, well groomed to. Her face isn't torn apart from years of drug use, soI wonder how on earth she got this way. At 60 years old, what turned this woman to the streets of San Francisco? Where are her 5 kids to come and rescue her? In the back of her head she believes in God, where did it all go wrong? How on earth can I save this woman? She talked about this whole event like it didn't pain her at all... it just pissed her off. How did this woman's heart get so hard?

I believe she introduced herself as Sister Shirley (but I'm not quite sure that it was Shirley). Please please pray for her.