Another Tear

I should shower right now.... but I guess it's not that important. I don't smell haggard yet, I just look it.

I fell in love with the German baby Mia, and I've been carrying her around a lot lately. She's adorable.... and I secretly wish that she would start speaking English before German. Yes, the mother in me. You wouldn't guess it, but I'm sort of baby crazy.


A Man Named Ben

So we went out for hot chocolate again Friday, and like always for some reason I really wasn't in the mood to go. We prayed before we went out, and also like always now I'm really glad I went.

We met a man on the corner named Ben. He was waiting until ten to make a phone call on the pay phone. We asked him if he would like hot chocolate and he said yes. He carried one of those four legged canes with him, and he talked a little bit slower. He explained to us that he was 56, and that over 20 years ago he was ran over by a motorcylce... he should've died. He shook badly as he talked to us, and he told us it was the medication he was on for his mental illness. His hot chocolate poured out all over him, but he held onto it anyways. He asked us if we would pray for his sister that died of kidney failure a year ago, that she would be in heaven, and so we did. We prayed for him too.

I put my hand on his shoulder as we began to pray, and his body started to sink. I didn't know if it was the weight that he couldn't hold, or if his balance was off because his eyes were closed, so I lightened my hand up a lot. I couldn't let go of him though. Beneath me was a beautiful, broken man, who had experienced way more tragedies in his life than I can ever imagine; and I wanted him to know that I really care. Feeling his shoulder sink beneath my hand, caused my heart to break. As an 18 year old girl I wanted to pick this man up off the street and hold him. I wanted to speak life into him as a mother would, and I wanted to rescue him from all of this pain, but I couldn't.

After that we continued to talk to him. He told us that his mother was dying of Parkinson’s, and that his father had already died of kidney failure a while ago. He told us how he could no longer ride the bus because he could never get a seat, and that he would fall down without one. He also told us how his mother had told him that she had named him Ben, and not Benjamin because she knew he'd never be able to spell it. Talk about growing up under a curse.

Since his accident his esophagus doesn't work right, and he often chokes on food. His bladder doesn't work right either, so he has to wear diapers.... kids like me are awful to him because of the fact that he smells sometimes. He lives off of three dollars a day, and yet this man did not seem bitter. He told us how he grew up on a farm, and had dreams to be an actor. He talked about his love of disney movies like Snow White, and that his favorite of the seven dwarves is Dopey, A.K.A. "the one who keeps kissing her on the cheek". He said that people say that he reminds them of Happy, but since his accident he thinks he reminds them more of Grumpy. He talked a lot about "before his accident" even though it was over 20 years ago.

I can only imagine what it would be like to have a working body that all of a sudden gets taken away from you. He said nothing happened to the man who ran over him, but instead of being bitter he seemed purely sad. I wonder if his brain was damaged in the accident too, how scary it would be to go from a wonderfully working mind, to speaking so slow that people will hardly have the patience to listen to you.

I'm grieved because I don't know the hope for this man. What do I pray for? Full recovery? Joy? Breaking of family curses? Where do I start? What is the absolute full picture that God would love to bring to his life? What does God want to do for him, and where does it start? Before sin
entered his life, who was he made to be?

I know that something about this man's simpleness, honesty, and brokeness was beautiful. This man was beautiful... and I really have the feeling he'll be okay.

Pray for him.