7 weeks

It is Thursday in our 7th week. Dang time goes by so fast. It's almost scary. At this point I'm sort of disappointed. The last 7 weeks have been really good but I feel like I can barely remember them. Even though sooooo much has happened, at the same time it seems like barely anything has happened.

I'm glad I have this much time to spend with God; He continues to show up in amazing ways. These last two weeks have been kind of hard though. I'm really irritable, and I think other people are too. Next week is the week called "Plumbline"... which in my own definition is where everything that's burried deep inside of you is ripped up to the surface, and then you begin the very hard, but liberating process of healing from it.

I'm actually kind of excited for this. I love healing... I know there's a lot going on inside of me right now, but I don't actually know what it is. (I know that it's part of the reason why I'm so irritable) I feel like I've already dealt with so many of my past issues, so whatever God brings up might be a really big suprise. Scary, but good.

On another note, it's kind of bugging me a lot lately that we've been here for 7 weeks, but we still really aren't that close. I get along with Sarah so well, and I really really appreciate her, but she's the only one I feel like I can completely share with. Everyone else I like, but it's still surfacey and strange. It's all strange. I miss my home a lot right now. I miss my close relationships. I miss having mature people I can count on all the time. I miss love... I'm getting so sick of the words "I love you" here. Half these people I really don't feel like I even know. And yes, I love them, but I don't love them in the sense that if tomorrow was the end of DTS, I'd miss them horribley. It feels cheap, and it feels like it's more of an obligation to say it, and it shouldn't be.

Maybe it's just my bad mood. I hate not connecting with anyone. I hate not relating with anyone. It's weird with our leaders. I've been to summer camps that were only two weeks long and felt like I connected in a way deeper way than here. What's it going to take? When are we actually going to become close? Are we even going to? This place is lonely.

I want a break. I want to leave. I want to hang out with someone..... I want to hang out.