It's been too long

I should go to bed, but I'm not.


I keep on trying to write a blog, and I get halfway through and then decide not to post it.


DTS has been over for three weeks, and I haven't written anything since before outreach. I'm not even going to try and catch people up on the last three months of my life, because that seems impossible. Too much has happened. Parts of it will probably come up in the future though, but not now.


I went to Chester today for Lydia's graduation, which was strange. If I didn't move in 8th grade, that would've been me up there tonight, graduating with the rest of them.

I think I handle change okay, until I look back and realize that now everything is different.

Being in Redding is hard now. It's at the point where it's barely my home anymore. It's that awkward feeling of a familiar place that you don't quite fit in anymore, being in Chester is even more weird. I don't like going there. Chester sort of represents everything that was never good for me. It represents a hard time in my life, where I made a lot of mistakes, and caused myself a lot of pain. It represents who I used to be, and not who I am now. When I used to go back there it was like I would immediately start walking in my old footsteps, and I hated it. I hate going there.

Tonight was really hard for some reason, and I don't know why. I just had a horrible feeling in my stomach almost the entire time. The past is a strange thing. Talking to people made me really appreciate where God has taken me though. I can't believe I graduated a year ago. I can't believe all that has happened in the last year, and what is happening right now. I am so blessed, and I am so lucky. Life is soo good in San Francisco. I am doing so well, I live in a room with 3 people I pretty much met 2 weeks ago, and I love them. I'm comfortable there, and it's normal, and I'm not sad.


I'm still a little bit bummed with the feeling of not really having a home anymore.

I'm in need of love right now, which is why I'm going to go to bed.



This is something I normally wouldn't end up posting, but since it's been so long I feel like I have to post SOMETHING so I'll get over this random blockage.